Almost always the first thing that comes to mind is money or things. This is taken care of in our legal will – it deals with our valuables.  At the same time you do your legal will, you often also complete your living will – outlining how you want to end your life and naming your health care agent.
 
But we are more than our valuables.
 
Who we are, what we value, how we’ve lived – these can be given to our loved ones in the form of letters, and there is a rebirth of adding “letters to our loved” ones as part of our end of life planning. 
 
Interestingly, passing on your values has a long history, the earliest examples being the books of the Old Testament. One of the most commonly known and oldest stories is in Genesis 49 – with Jacob blessing his sons, asking them to bury him in a specific place, and in a sense preparing them to become the leaders of the twelve tribes of Israel.
 
This tradition is called the ethical will.
 
Some argue that these letters – filled with your love, your stories, your lessons, and your blessings – are the most important thing you can leave the people you love – your spouse, your children, your family, your friends, and your fellow human beings.
 
If you are ready to write these letters, Ebenezer is now offering help to do it. We are doing it in small groups, helping you to learn by practice and the study of examples showing how others have done it.
 
Become the pen in the hand of your heart –
            to express your love,
            to share your stories,
            to make explicit your lessons, and
            to pass on your blessings – to those you love.
 
Your legacy letters can be your most cherished gift to those who follow you. 
 
For more information contact Michael Ziomko, Vice President of the Ebenezer Foundation, 612/703-1189 or mziomko1@fairview.org.
 
For reference please see Your Legacy Matters, Rachael Freed; The Ethical Will, Barry Baines; and the Thompson and Associates charitable estate planning process.

In addition to wonderful memories, Barry left us with a treasury of wisdom and advice. In the next few weeks we will be pleased to share with you some of Barry's Blogs.
 
I hope 2020 will bring you as much joy, peace and low-stress as possible. Without pretending to know all the answers...or ANY answers...in regard to setting your sights on trying new things or setting goals for the year without making those new things or goals "resolutions" but trying to live a better lifestyle, I have some suggestions of which you may have already thought or achieved. Regardless, following are my respectful suggestions:
-Trying new things: The enduring adage, "We never stop learning" I think is applicable here in regard to trying new things that will enhance our lives and lifestyles. At age 82, I'm still learning that what I thought was correct thinking about a multitude of subjects isn't always the case. Thus, when I learn something new. either via media or friends, I immediately acknowledge that information to be an eye-opener that can always make me happy to have learned it. I also apply that new knowledge to trying new thinking about my recreational or non-recreational activities. Even just sitting in one's favorite chair and just thinking about something new can be gratifying, too.

Setting goals for the year - You, more than anyone, know what you want to achieve to reach as carefree a life as possible. Thus, I won't make any suggestions to try to live a better lifestyle.

Ebenezer's focus on living a better quality of life with care, should you need it, or socializing with new friends rather than being isolated at home
Best,
Barry

 
I hope you've had wonderful holiday memories and will continue to create them. I've had a few, but remembering two most especially, which occurred many years apart, I'll now be very happy to recall and recount, to wit:
 
The first special Christmas for me occurred when I was eight years old, in 1945. The document that ended all of World War Two was signed September 1st and everyone here in the U.S. and those populating our allied countries were in understandably very happy, grateful and celebratory moods. My mother was especially happy, because she had worked for the government's War Department during all of World War Two and was now able to pursue other work. (Family was comprised of just her and me during most of those 1940s years because my father left my mother and me when I was 16 months old. My mother and I lived in a Pittsburgh “project” apartment at that time, but she and I moved into my grandfather's apartment to begin living with him in 1948.)
 
Because she wasn't able to afford many presents during those war years, she told me to expect something "very special" for Christmas just a few days prior to that 1945 day. As is the case with any child, I eagerly wondered what could be labeled "very special" , especially since we were not exactly rich during those years. I also fervently believed in Santa Claus, even though we didn't have a chimney in the apartment. Regardless, when I awakened that Christmas morning, I couldn't believe my eyes when I walked into the living room. My mother had showered me with more board games than I could count, from Monopoly to Parcheesi to Chutes and Ladders and so many more, as well as an electric train (which I still have). I had never been deprived of any of the basics, but to then be treated to an overflow of gifts from my wonderful and very hard-working mother that Christmas made it a Christmas I'll never forget.
 
The second very special Christmas celebration occurred December 24th and December 25th, 1973. My two daughters, wife and I were all together for the first time in several years. We were living in a beautiful 12-room rented bottom half of a 24-room duplex in West St. Paul, Minnesota, during my KSTP-TV weathercasting days. Because my wife and I were deeply rooted in show business and especially Broadway musicals, one of our favorites was and is Mame. One of the more uplifting and memorable songs in Mame is "We need a little Christmas". As you might recall, it's entirely happy. Not only did we all hold hands and dance to it more than once in the living room Christmas Eve and Christmas morning (we almost wore out the 33-1/3 recording), but it was decided by my daughters and wife that their large Raggedy Ann and Andy dolls should get "married" Christmas morning. I performed the wedding ceremony and those two dolls have lived happily ever after! Smiling here. Indeed, that Christmas evokes many smiles.
 
Everyone at Ebenezer, including yours truly, of course, hopes you have the happiest and most blessed holidays ever.
 
Thank you for reading, as always.

This past November was the snowiest on record for the Twin Cities. Some who aren't fans of bad winter weather transport themselves to warmer climes each year. Florida, Arizona and the Caribbean seem to top the list of more desirable places for them to spend the winter months. Those of us who either don't mind our winters, or have resigned ourselves to endure them, regardless of the severity, are what used to be called "hardy folk". Fine, but (smiling here), the heck with hardy! Get me (or you) to Florida, Arizona or the Caribbean as soon as possible. This is going to be one of those cold “normal” winters here.
 
But, knowing I WON'T be in Florida, Arizona or on a Caribbean island, this or ANY winter, I offer some meteorological thoughts about the cold and how you can best prepare for it (if you haven't already), I'll share some personal cold weather history with you, to wit:
- The coldest air temperature I ever experienced (actual temperature, not wind chill) was 54 degrees below zero Fahrenheit in Lethbridge, Alberta, Canada, at 8 in the morning. It was in February, 1960. I was working at a television station there as their weatherman. I knew the night before, because of the extreme cold, I would have to plug in my car's headbolt heater to keep the engine warm and able to start in the garage. The next morning, knowing it was 54 degrees below zero, thanks to the radio weather report I heard that morning, I got into my car, turned the key and nothing happened except a grunting sound. I lifted the hood and found my engine covered in ice. The headbolt heater worked for part of the night, but the power went out during the night and froze the moisture on the engine. Long story shortened: A fellow broadcaster who lived a block away had no problems starting his little car and drove me to the TV station to start my shift. (For those who might not remember or know about headbolt heaters, they're a rod that fits into a spot normally reserved for one of the bolts that helps hold the car's engine together and actually reaches into a safe part of the engine itself, attached to an electric plug that, when plugged in, heats the rod that warms the engine, enabling a fast engine start-up on the coldest mornings, if the electric power doesn't shut down!)

Most important to know, in my opinion: That 54 degrees below zero morning was typical for sky conditions and atmospheric pressure. The sky was clear (with small ice crystals dancing in the air at the surface) and the barometric pressure very high. High pressure in winter ALWAYS means it's accompanied by colder air. High pressure, because of the heaviness of the colder air, moves away much slower than low pressure, thus, when we have high pressure dominating our part of the country during the winter, we can expect the cold air to remain for longer periods of time.
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- The coldest wind chill I ever experienced was 66 below zero while walking two blocks to the campus of The University of Minnesota in the early 1970s. I was the weatherman on KSTP-TV, on my way to give a class a "weather talk". I was walking to the class building from a parking garage, but forgot to bring or wear a hat and coat. I had forgotten my own forecast from the night before and had to keep my eyes open while the wind was coming straight at me. When I got to the classroom, it took the full hour of that weather talk to thaw myself out, then walked back to the parking garage, but with the wind at my back. Truthfully, what I did was potentially life-threatening, thus I never again forgot one of my forecasts.
 
For YOU: Common sense should prevail when dealing with winter weather conditions. One can actually freeze to death or experience hypothermia (reduced body temperature) if skin is exposed even five minutes in temperatures below 32 degrees above zero. IF you have to be outside in winter weather, please remember the following common sense:
- When driving, in your car's trunk should be at least one blanket, a flashlight, a box of matches, a shovel (preferably one that folds in half), rubber high-boots and a tightly-sealed one gallon can of gasoline. Obviously, you should be wearing the most protective winter clothing, too and have a fully-charged cell phone to make possible emergency calls.
- When not driving and you find it necessary to be outside, try to wear the warmest clothing possible, in layers. Outer coats should preferably be down-filled. Thermal underwear is also strongly recommended. Again, these are all common sense suggestions, but we can never be reminded too often about their importance.
 
In regard to this coming winter, late autumn has already provided a preview of what we can expect in Minnesota and Iowa this coming season. Best advice for this winter, in my opinion: Don't leave the comfort of your living quarters if you don’t have to. Keep safe and warm.
 
Thanks for reading, as always.

Sharing special memories of Thanksgiving: The smell of food, football games, laughing and so much more, but also remembering not everyone has these times. For those who don't, Ebenezer will invite you to our table and ask that you call Ebenezer to learn about a caring Ebenezer community near you.
 
For me, and possibly you, there's something very hopeful, hope-filled, exciting and energizing about this time of year. The anticipation of the pending traditional major holidays (Thanksgiving, Christmas and New Year's Day) is electrifying and energizing, knowing, for many of us, annual gatherings with people we don't see very much during the preceding months, are the proverbial frosting on the calendar's "cake." As is frequently the content in these blogs, I'll share a personal memory or two about Thanksgivings, past and present, as follows:
 
I mostly remember how special Thanksgiving was in the early to mid-1940s in Pittsburgh (my birthplace), when I was very much a pre-teenager. During those years of wonderment, observation and learning, my mother, grandfather and I were invited, for at least seven years, to shamelessly devour every Thanksgiving dinner with a huge and happy Italian family whose last name was Armocida. The number of dishes prepared, mostly by the female Armocidas, numbered at least 15, to serve at least 20 guests. The mouth-watering smells wafting from the kitchen into the adjacent huge dining room made the anticipation grow to maximum levels for at least an hour and then it was time to begin the annual attack on the fantastic food choices. The choices included the traditional fare such as roast turkey, sage stuffing and so forth. The non-traditional dishes included Italian favorites such as spaghetti, lasagna and Italian desserts. All of it was devoured over the period of at least a half-hour, with the senior Armocidas using whiskey and other liquors as "chasers". Those of us too young or not into alcoholic beverages were very happy to "chase" the solid food with hot chocolate, milk or carbonated soft drinks. Even though it's obviously best to pay attention to healthier eating, the Thanksgiving dinners at the Armocidas in those days paid no attention to healthy eating, but rather paid all the attention to being able to enjoy such happy gluttony and warm togetherness, even if only once a year. (Those visits also included playing board games and LISTENING to football games on the radio, until 1948, when televised games allowed us to listen and WATCH, which we did.) 
 
In subsequent years, Thanksgiving for my family and me has been less raucous, but always observed gratefully for the blessings we have and share with one another. The cuisine consists of traditional turkey, stuffing, vegetables and pumpkin pie. Those of us blessed enough to enjoy the tradition that began in the 1620s are VERY blessed indeed
 
We are truly so blessed for all we have and should never take our happiness for granted, but especially so on the one day set aside to remember how fortunate we are in this country. As was noted in the headline, if you don’t have a Thanksgiving to attend, Ebenezer invites you to the table at one of our communities. Please call Ebenezer to learn more (612) 874-3422. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
 
Thank you for reading, as always.

There should always be times for family, friends and loved ones to gather. Unfortunately, those times aren't always made available, even for those of us who have more additional time than those who are still working full time. We need to set aside (frequently, in my opinion) times to reflect on our health, happiness and being grateful for what we have in life.
 
This is the time of the year when our natural instincts direct us to want to be with family and friends. It's not only comforting to have the warmth of those relationships combat the cold of winter, but also a reflection that most of us need each other. Family and friends truly are major contributors to having and maintaining our good health. 
 
Partially following through on that part of the subject described in the headline, I'm reminded of the lyrics to a popular song that debuted in the 1960s addressing gratitude for what we have, or even don't have. You may remember the artist who made it popular and is still alive, thank goodness. He was and still is my friend, singer and actor, Ed Ames. The lyrics to The Other Man's Grass Is Always Greener, are as follows and very thoughtfully composed, in my opinion:
“Life is never what it seems; we're always searching in our dreams, trying to build some castles in the air. When worry starts to cloud the mind, never mind, you haven't got a care. There's someone else in your imagination. You wish that you were standing in their shoes. You know you would without much hesitation, but would you if you really had to choose? So don't look around, plant your feet on the ground. It's much better by far, to be just who you are. The other man's grass is always greener; the sun shines brighter on the other side. The other man's grass is always greener. Some are lucky, some are not. I'm so thankful for what I've got”.
 
Gratitude for what we have, regardless of how much or how little, pales when lifelong friendships and solid family relationships are compared to material possessions. Again, especially at this time of the year when inclement weather literally clouds our happier thoughts, knowing we have family and friends who really care how we're feeling, healthfully and emotionally, and also knowing WE care about THEM, makes a life much richer with happiness and gratitude. 
 
Sadly, of course, there are too many people in the world who don't know or have the luxury of caring family or friends. In my opinion, it's precisely why those of us who DO have caring family and friends, should count our blessings every minute. Please forgive me for referencing another song lyric, but I think it also addresses the blessings we are fortunate enough to have or should have. Eddie Fisher, who I was also fortunate to know, made these words popular in the mid-1950s. Perhaps you remember them and the song, entitled Count Your Blessings: 
“When I'm worried and I can't sleep, I count my blessings instead of sheep and I fall asleep counting my blessings. When my bankroll is gettin' small, I think of when I had non e at all, and I go to sleep counting my blessings. I think about a nursery and I picture curly heads and one-by-one I count them as they slumber in their beds. So if you're worried and you can't sleep, just count your blessings instead of sheep and you'll fall asleep, counting your blessings.” 
 
I sincerely hope you are blessed during this approaching holiday season and always appreciative for what you have, especially in regard to friends and family who gather together more to extol the joy of this approaching festive season

November is National Family Caregivers Month, There are great challenges to being a caregiver for a loved-one. It can sometimes (and sometimes often) be a thankless and difficult job. We, at Ebenezer, celebrate those of you at home and in our communities and thank YOU for what you do.
 
First, more about Ebenezer's role, followed by some personal caregiving notes involving yours truly: Indeed, thank YOU for caring enough to GIVE care to loved-ones who need it and who definitely appreciate what you do. A major part of Ebenezer's mission and goal is to help caregivers achieve optimum results in their caring journey. In that regard, Ebenezer has resources that might be helpful to you in your journey. With over 100 years experience in helping people who need physical, as well as sometimes emotional and psychological, care, Ebenezer's suggestions and resources can certainly be trusted and welcomed.
 
Also, for caregivers, later this month, Thursday, November 14th from 3:30 to 5:00 p.m., you're invited to visit Stonehaven of Eagan to pick up your complimentary pie as a token of Ebenezer's appreciation for the love and care you give. Ebenezer recognizes the challenges family caregivers face and how you manage them, day and night, sometimes with little or no support. A goodie-bag of caregiver resources will also be available as you leave. Again, that's at Stonehaven of Eagan, 1000 Station Trail, Eagan, Minnesota.
 
My personal connection with caregiving, as both a caregiver and recipient, began in my pre-teens, when my maternal grandfather needed a lot of care and understanding for his increased alcoholism. My mother and I lived with him for seven years and dealing with his sometimes violent moods drove my mother to book her and me into a hotel for a weekend (many weekends throughout those years), just to get away from my grandfather, who both of us loved dearly and that made his after-drinking behavior so heart-wrenching. Then, at least four years into these less-than-pleasant living conditions, my mother decided to contact a professional caregiver who dealt with alcoholics. That was in the 1940s, when the availability of specialists was nowhere near the number available these days. The professional caregiver, along with my mother and me, eventually convinced my grandfather to not need the alcohol and life became much happier for all of us. Bottom line, in my opinion: Unless one has professional training as a caregiver, one should consult professional caregivers to know exactly what to do for any ailment that needs care. Sadly, my grandfather had consumed too much alcohol through the years and even though weaned completely away from alcohol and the errant behavior it caused, he died at age 70 from a liver disease connected to alcoholism.
 
My own personal health issues have been resolved throughout the years via the blessing of professional medicine, knowledgeable doctors who really cared, hospitalization, rehabilitation and love from so many family members and non-professional friends who cared enough to bolster my spirits via their expressions of encouragement and understanding. None of us should feel alone during times when caregiving is needed, but as recipients, we should always, in my opinion, realize caregiving, professional or not, is truly a full-time job for the caregiver, regardless of the degree of need. If you're a recipient of 24/7/365 success-oriented caregiving, please feel blessed and also know the care is being given because the persons giving the care TRULY care enough to want to make life as positive and stress-free as possible for you.
 
Again, Bravo and Brava to the caregivers not only during this annual National Family Caregivers month, but in perpetuity.
 
Thank you for reading, as always.

Happy week of Halloween, 2019! First, some history, followed by some personal memories:
 
Celebrated each year on October 31st, the tradition originated with the ancient Celtic festival of Samhain, when people would light bonfires and wear costumes to ward off ghosts. In the eighth century, Pope Gregory III designated November 1 as a time to honor all saints. Soon, All Saints Day incorporated some of the traditions of Samhain. The evening before was known as All Hallows Eve,and later Halloween, thus our annual celebration October 31st. Over time, Halloween evolved into a day of activities like trick-or-treating, carving jack-o-lanterns, festive gatherings, donning costumes and eating treats.

Borrowing from European traditions, Americans began to dress up in costumes and go house to house asking for food or money, a practice that eventually became today’s “trick-or-treat” tradition. Young women believed that on Halloween they could divine the name or appearance of their future husband by doing tricks with yarn, apple parings or mirrors.
 
Between 1920 and 1950, the centuries-old practice of trick-or-treating was revived after a few years when vandalism ruined the day and evening. Trick-or-treating was a relatively inexpensive way for an entire community to share the Halloween celebration. In theory, families could also prevent tricks being played on them by providing the neighborhood children with small treats. Thus, a new American tradition was born, and it has continued to grow. Today, Americans spend an estimated $6 billion annually on Halloween, making it the country’s second largest commercial holiday after Christmas.

For me, my earliest Halloween (originally spelled Hallowe'en) celebratory memory was when I was eight years old. Having been raised as an only child and only by my mother after my father left the household when I was 16 months old, my mother, for whatever reason, thought I was old enough to go trick-or-treating and it would be fun to dress me as a girl (including wearing lipstick!) for my first trick-or-treating foray with her accompanying me in our Pittsburgh neighborhood. That "costume" was to be my fate for the next three years. I liked the candy treats and even apples and oranges garnered during that annual adventure, but I definitely didn't like the "costume". I announced that to my mother and she immediately chose to have me dress as a pirate, eye-patch and all. She told me that was a tribute to our major league baseball team, the Pittsburgh Pirates. Trick-or-treating was then much more fun for yours truly! (Although I loved her dearly, I made the candy-gathering rounds to the various neighborhood houses and apartments every October 31st thereafter without her accompaniment, from age 11 to 13, the last years I engaged in that annual ritual).

In later years, from my teens through even advanced years, I've enjoyed going to Halloween parties and dressing as much a pirate as I could or can! THAT memory and action remains!

My happiest Halloween memory was when I( was chosen in 1972 to be Grand Marshal of the Anoka, Minnesota Halloween Parade, as Anoka is known as the Halloween Capital of the World. It was an honor and indeed, my happiest Halloween memory.
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Thanks for reading and have a Happy Halloween from all of your friends at Ebenezer.

In this blog, I'll express my 82-year-old opinions about what healthy aging means and looks like:

Physically, spiritually, socially, emotionally and mentally. In addition, I'll also alert you to where you can learn about how you can be helped to age healthier!
 
In my opinion, aging and how we handle it, is a combination of common sense and knowing how to cope with what the body and mind realistically encounter as we "all of a sudden" realize we're not in our teens or 20s. Most important, is knowing having good health is the most important thing we have. Following are some personal thoughts about good health and maintaining it at an advanced age:
 
PHYSICAL HEALTH - Again in my opinion, there's nothing more important than having good physical health. Even the slightest physical ailment can impede our daily lives. This, of course, is not news to you, but I think we can't be reminded enough how important it is to take care of ourselves as best we can. That means eating the most healthful foods.
EXERCISING daily (or when possible) and, when something as pedestrian as a cold strikes, we immediately take the correct medicines to end the problem as fast as possible. Having had numerous health issues in my life, several requiring hospitalization for near-death illnesses, I can identify with how important good health is and maintaining it by, as I mentioned, eating properly, exercising daily and taking whatever medications have been prescribed.

SPIRITUAL HEALTH - Regardless if times are good or bad for us, the power of prayer, for me, at least, has always provided peace of mind and, truthfully, it "works." I believe that daily prayer, even if only to thank the highest power for all the blessings one has, let alone to ask for solutions when needed, does provide a more healthful life.

SOCIAL HEALTH - We are social creatures and in later years we find ourselves more grateful for friends, be they new or longtime. Aside from just visits with friends, social activities such as playing cards and board games, bowling, going to live performances or movies and just talking, can enrich our lives and provide a healthier outlook on each day. Being and staying alone is not only sad, it's depressing and certainly doesn't fall under the "healthy aging" umbrella.

EMOTIONAL HEALTH - Learning to cope with or accept what life deals us, especially at advanced ages, isn't always easy, but for better emotional health, one thing I've learned is, with enough practice, one can look at whatever's been dealt with the attitude that "this is just another day" and tomorrow will be better. Learning to smile at anything adverse makes one stronger, even in the most unpleasant times.

MENTAL HEALTH - In my opinion, mental health is married to emotional health. Our emotions stem from mental acceptance or non-acceptance of what life provides, or doesn't, each day. To have better mental health, again in my opinion, one must eventually train oneself daily to not allow unpleasantness to ruin our thinking or our days. It isn't easy, but the more one does it the better one's mental health. In addition, the older we get the easier it is to do, speaking from experience here.
 
Thanks for reading, as always.

Both children and seniors learn from each other!
Intergenerational Programming is  an Ebenezer cornerstone--bringing together two generations who gather daily to visit, explore activities and develop a special kind of friendship. There is nothing quite like watching a child’s eye fill with wonder or a  senior’s face light up with joy.  In our Ebenezer Intergen communities we are lucky to experience both each day. Our whole child approach includes a unique program that brings young and old together in a stimulating co learning environment. Seniors and children share an unmistakable bond that transcends generations.
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Ebenezer intergenerational programs invite children ages 6 weeks to 5 years old to enjoy the company of our loving Grandfriends.  The Intergen communities provides opportunities for the Seniors to bond with our youngest little ones, in our infant classrooms, with Rock a bye Baby time.  Seniors help our dedicated Teachers in providing 1:1 rocking time with our infants during the week. Grandfriends can enjoy special educational activities in Arts and Crafts, Science or Outside gardening with our fun toddlers or enjoy partnering up with a Preschooler in the Life Long Learning MacPhail Music program.

Our intergenerational space includes:

• A computer center
• Games, toys and puzzles
• A plentiful supply of books to read by the fireplace
• An area for arts and crafts
• Kitchen area for baking cookies
• Outdoor playground and patio​

 
Why It Works
​Building on Ebenezer’s faith-based heritage, our intergenerational program helps bridge the generation gap. Children learn respect for older adults and compassion for their physical limitations. Older adults maintain self-worth by sharing their lives and experiences. Children bring life, spirit and joy to seniors on the campus, keeping them young at heart. The attention and encouragement of seniors helps children flourish.
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Our children are often fascinated as they learn about how the world was different, and what it was like to be a child in an earlier time. In turn, the children breathe happiness and life into our grandfriend communities--sharing their lives and experiences with their special friends. It is a mutually beneficial relationship, as the seniors are reinvigorated by the innocence and joy of the children, while the children learn respect, patience and helpfulness. Perhaps most importantly, our intergenerational programs teach children compassion and kindness. Students who grow up with grandfriends are not self-conscious around seniors in wheelchairs or walkers and are more comfortable when they encounter a senior who may act differently due to their advancing physical conditions. They view their grandfriends with reverence, and value their contributions to the past, present and future.
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There is no question our Intergenerational communities provide a powerful impact to both the seniors and children each and every day.
Thanks for reading, as always.